Giving Your Power Away
What Does ‘Giving Power Away’ mean?
When we give our power away – we find it difficult to say no to others. To avoid conflict (and keep the peace) we find ourselves saying yes to other peoples’ demands – when we mean no. We end up in a double bind: ‘we are damned if we do – damned if we don’t’. We are constantly trying to please others – and it gets utterly exhausting over time!
Astrologer Cindy Mckean says: “Whenever anyone successfully has a negative influence on your day or finds a way to disrupt your own personal baseline even just a little, you’ve given your power away.”
Giving our power away usually happens when we are craving outside approval or seeking love from outside ourselves. We tend to have little or no inner strength, we feel powerless and often stay in dysfunctional relationships; be that at work, friends, family or lovers – for far too long.
Copying Our Parents’ Behaviour
Giving our power away is a pattern of behaviour that we will have observed within our family of origin. It can often be the result of low self-esteem or anxiety. Sometimes it can stem from a fear of abandonment or rejection.
If our parents never learned how to set boundaries or say no – then we won’t have learned how to do it. To make matters worse – if we did manage to build up the courage to say no to our parents, it’s possible that we were made to feel guilty, told we were selfish, uncaring or mean. We would not however, have been aware as children, that the parent who was angry or upset about us having said no – was ultimately the one who had the problem.
How Do You Give Your Power Away?
Recently, Marc Lesser shared the following comprehensive list in a newsletter. Here’s how he says we can give our power away:
- I say yes when I mean no.
- I rush from one thing to another to get to the “important” stuff and don’t appreciate what I am doing in the moment.
- I overthink decisions, and then overthink my overthinking.
- I feel helpless and hopeless in light of what’s happening in our world today.
- I get impatient and frustrated with myself and others over petty issues.
- I underestimate my abilities.
- I don’t make clear requests or ask for help – either because I feel like I need to do everything myself or I am afraid that others won’t respond to my needs.
- I avoid expressing strong emotions and often ignore my gut feelings regarding what I want or what I believe is right.
- I talk to fill space, fearing an uncomfortable silence.
- I check email, social media, or find other distractions when I feel the least bit sad or anxious.
- I am critical of myself for making mistakes or for making decisions that don’t turn out well.
- I don’t consistently take care of myself – I don’t get enough exercise, enough sleep, or enough healthy food.
- I avoid having deep conversations or discussing topics that make me feel vulnerable.
- I compare myself to others when it comes to appearance, money, and status.
- I sometimes feel like a failure, stuck in the gap between where I am now in my work and life and what I know in my heart is possible.
Self-Care
It is healthy to maintain our power, say no and set a boundary and it takes takes courage. So start with baby steps…practice saying no once a day (not for major things/decisions: just small things – like having an extra cuppa or when you are offered another biscuit etc.). Remember too, that you are learning the skills of self-care, self-love and self-value. Saying no is honouring ourselves.
“When you do not seek or need approval,
you are at your most powerful.”
~ Caroline Myss
Remember the only people who become upset about us saying no are the people who benefit from us constantly saying yes to/for them. When we begin to say no, we feel happier, our relationships start to improve, our self-esteem gets a boost, and over time you will feel more confident.
Giving Power Away: Focus of our Next Weekend Retreat
Join us for a Weekend Retreat where we explore more about our inner power and how we give it away. We will discuss healthy and empowering ways to set boundaries – and much more! Take some time for yourself and join us in September.
These Retreats provide a mix of theory classes, group discussion, guided meditation and deep relaxation sessions. There is also time (before and after the classes) to go for walks, soak up the country air and enjoy the peace and quiet of Springfort Hall Hotel (see picture right) grounds or drive to the nearby Doneraile Wildlife Park, House and Gardens.
No experience is necessary. During our weekend retreats we share techniques that can be applied to everyday life. We aim to teach in a way that lets you link the experiences and understanding of meditation and mindfulness throughout the stages of your life. Feel free to contact us if you have any questions at all or would like to book.
Contact Us
If you are ready to change your behaviour and learn how to set healthy boundaries, contact us. We provide personalized, confidential consultations either in person in Cobh, Co. Cork, Ireland or at the Natural Clinic in Cork.
Our consultations support you through a process of positive change. Call us on: (Ireland) 087 149 2338 for a chat – or click here to arrange a time to talk. If you don’t live in Ireland, we can still work together online via Skype and Zoom from the comfort of your office/home.
we argue, we rarely take the time to discover what is on the other persons’ map. We generally spend all our effort and energy defending our map, trying our best to convince the other person that our map is ‘right’. We never take a step back to look at their map. If we did, we’d discover that – surprisingly – we both want the same thing.
So in any disagreement it’s helpful to stay curious to what is on the other persons’ map. We then have a few opportunities:
If you’d like to explore any of the themes raised in this blog regarding loving others then feel free to 
